I wish I could have had everybody at my wedding who wanted to go. It was a really good time and from Alex and myself I would like to extend a heartfelt thank you to everyone who was with us, both in person and in spirit, on our special day. I had the vows and speech prepared for months, but for the speech I went a little off book. All the same, I like what I put together. Enjoy!
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Vows:
Alexander, I commit myself and all that I am and all that I have to you today. I want to be your wife because you make me my best self. I want to be your wife because you like working with me to improve our lives. I want to be your wife because I want you to be the father of our children. As your wife, I vow to always be your support. As your wife, I vow to help you when you struggle to help yourself. As your wife, I promise to honor you and remain loyal even when the times come when it’s difficult to do that. I vow these things because you deserve these things, and I know you will give them to me in equal measure. You give me hope. You give me laughter. You give me support. You give me dreams. You give me your loyalty. You give me strength. I vow to give these back to you because you deserve it, and I’m happy to say that I deserve you. I am honored to be your wife.
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Speech:
I want to thank you all for being here. It means so much to me that you would all come to celebrate my marriage to my best friend, my partner, my perfect match. I feel so much love here today and it’s so special. I want to take this time to acknowledge my partner of five years, Alexander Deerkop. A lot of you might not know our full story, and I thought now would be a good time to share it. I went to Syracuse University for six years, four for undergrad in psychology and two for master’s in marriage and family therapy. Between undergraduate and grad school there was obviously a mass exodus of friends. I was feeling really alone and bored, so I signed up for a dating website. I don’t expect you guys to believe me, but I didn’t intend on actually finding anybody and I wasn’t ready for commitment as I was committing to a two-year graduate program and didn’t know where I’d be after that. Actually, I have a lot of commitment issues and if it wasn’t for Alex, well… let’s just say I’m really glad I met him. Anyway, I just wanted to hang out with some people and be social, and up to that point I had always been able to form friendships with guys faster than with girls. I’d been a tomboy since I started developing at a young age and a lot of that remained. Anyway, I went on a couple of dates and obviously they were duds. Imagine that! A bunch of guys looking for relationships or hookups not making good friends? Anyway, it wasn’t long before I started talking to a guy with the screenname xcountryguy. I would later find out it was cross-country guy, but I was a little apprehensive. I’m not into country music, I’m not into the country lifestyle, and I am not a country girl. Still, he wrote a very interesting and grammatically correct introduction message to me. I can’t tell you how important the latter was. I wish I had the foresight to save it, because from my recollection it was a bit self-deprecating, like he was setting himself up to be rejected right off the bat. We hit it off, sending messages back and forth for a few months, graduating to texting. I didn’t know it at the time, but Alex never had occasion to text message people often and he had to upgrade his plan when we started talking. I think around that time we also started Skyping. He was living in Oswego, 45 minutes away from Syracuse while I was going to school, and so there was relatively little opportunity to meet up between classes, internships, and work until one day Syracuse University was hosting a Native American author, Leslie Marmon Silko. I was a big fan – surprise, I’m a big dork. Anyway, I specifically took the evening off to go to this event and Alex saw an opportunity so he extended himself and came to Syracuse to grab Indian food with me. I distinctly remember him acting like he was really into this lecture even though he’d never heard of the woman and that he was all about having Indian food for dinner although he had little experience with ethnic foods at all. He sat through what must have been a very boring lecture for him while I sat there with no less than half a dozen books that I hauled with me when I rushed out of the lecture hall to be the first in line for her autograph. Man, I was such a big dork. We had great conversation at Samrat’s that night. He was very open and frank and most importantly, intelligent. I think I decided a second date was in order when he used the word “amalgamation” over dinner. Alex left that night with a hug and I thought to myself, “If this guy still wants to see me after this, I’ll give him a honest shot.” Alex ended up getting one of his frequent sinus infections for a month after this date, but we were in contact the whole time, getting to know each other better. For our second date, I thought it was only fair for me to go to Oswego and see him. He had everything set up so thoughtfully. He rented my favorite movie, which was The Fifth Element – or Die Hard In Space. He cleaned up as much as he could to present his house in its best light. We cuddled on his futon and had a really nice time and then we started kissing. I ended up staying the night. Alex was a perfect gentleman, and he told me he admired me. In the morning, he saw me to the door and before I left he asked me not if I would be his girlfriend, but if we could he Facebook official. I guess that was a sign of the times. I’m so glad I said yes. We fell in love so quickly. Like I said, I wasn’t looking for a commitment when I set out on this journey, so I got scared at times, but we always worked through the tough times and there were plenty while I was working through grad school. Later when I asked Alex how he could have been so perfect for me during that time he said, “I just treated you the way I would want to be treated” and I thought that was beautiful. I remember the moment I really fell in love with him. We were still getting to know each other early on and I knew through his dating profile that he wanted to have children, which I thought was odd. I asked him why he wanted to have children and he said, “I just think it’s the best thing I could do for the world, raise good people to leave behind.” That was so perfect and I fell so hard. He knew it, too. I was still scared of what I felt for him, so I didn’t say it, and we were cuddling one night when he looked into my eyes and said, “Is there something you want to tell me?” I knew exactly what he was talking about, and I knew he felt it, too, but I was so freaked out. I said, “nope.” He just smiled and said, “Fine, I’ll say it first. I love you.” I must’ve turned so red in that moment. I remember covering my face with my hands before I looked at him and said, “I love you, too.” It wasn’t long before we were cuddled in bed again and he said, “Marry me.” Without thinking, I answered, “Okay.” Then after a moment I was like, “Wait, seriously?” and he said, “Yeah.” I was like, “Oh, I’m sorry! I thought you were joking. There was no ring and it was so random.” Alex thought about it for a minute and said, “Oh. Okay, I take it back.” And I’m like, “What do you mean you take it back?” Alex said, “I want to get you a ring. You deserve a ring.” So, it was like this little secret between us for a while. We shopped for rings and told ourselves we would do that “eventually.” We even set an ideal wedding date, which is today, September 26, 2015, exactly five years after the date Alex asked me to be Facebook official. Now, the way he gave me the ring is pretty sweet too. He knew I was a big fan of The Office and he knew the one scene that gets me crying every time is Jim & Pam’s wedding when they sneak away to get married on the Maid of the Mist. Seriously, it gets me every time. Anyway, I’m like a big kid, so we’re on the Maid of the Mist and I’m freaking out because I love it and I’m running around the boat, getting misted, laughing, taking pictures, when all of a sudden he taps me on the shoulder and says, “I got something for you” and there’s the ring in his hand. I must’ve screamed, I don’t remember. I know I laughed. I was so happy. I couldn’t be happier. We’ve imagined this day together. We worked hard together to have an opportunity to share our love with you. Thank you so much for being here and giving us that opportunity. I beg of each and every one of you to help us going forward. When times get tough, as they surely will, please help us find each other again, because I love this man and I intend on having his friendship for a lifetime. Alex, there is no one else I would rather be spending this day with. There is no one else I would want to be the father of my future children. I would’ve married you a long time ago, but we’re here now. I love you, baby. Once again, thank you everyone. Have a good time!
