"Irritatingly Pretty"

So, the last couple of weeks have done wonders for my self-esteem.  As I crawl little by little to the thirty-pound-loss mark, people are starting to notice the change and I'm getting a lot of great compliments.  My boyfriend and I attended a party where I wore an outfit that showed off my loss.  Ho, boy.  I couldn't take two steps without tripping over a compliment (or a request to show more).

Then last week a friend of mine offered an unsolicited compliment that really got me thinking.  I was asking another friend for advice on whether or not to dye my hair, which this other guy was adamantly against.  When I asked why, he said, "You're... irritatingly pretty" and basically, I shouldn't mess with a good thing.  What struck me in thinking about what he said since then is that people have been telling me some variation of that my entire life.  Remember my "You're pretty, but..." entry?  But the more I think about it, the more I realize that people have always noticed that I'm attractive.  It's just so hard to internalize with the messages I've received since... well, forever, about how I'm supposed to look.  Being the only Asian kid in a mostly white community (and, seriously, I'm only half) makes you look different already, but I can remember my mother telling me I was fat when I was eight years old.  EIGHT.

Here's a picture of my brother (left) and me (right) around that time, in case you were curious.

Then you got your routine bombardment of impossibly thin and flawless girls plastered all over all kinds of media as if other body types don't exist and, well, I thought it was a miracle that I even accepted, "Yeah, I'm unremarkably cute... but not pretty" up to this point.

What's more, my beauty isn't tied to my weight loss.  My health is, and not just my physical health.  My mental and emotional health have improved and will continue to improve, which is what I think is the big difference in these past weeks.  People haven't been complimenting me too much more than they have in the past, but now I'm just more ready to hear it and more able to internalize it.  It's a daily struggle, accepting the fact that yes, I am pretty even though no, I don't look the way others have told me I'm supposed to look.

I struggled with writing this entry for a solid week, maybe more.  It feels embarrassing to write about your own beauty, to really own it.  It feels unnatural.  So, I'm writing it now because, well, I deserve this.  Screw everyone who thinks I'm cocky and delusional and wrong.  I know me.  I am pretty.  I am beautiful.  I accept this.

My One Man Support System

My boyfriend asked me to post about his weight loss, and honestly it's astounding.  He'll never be skinny, and quite honestly that's fine with me.  He tends to bulk up like crazy once he starts lifting, which he hasn't done so instead he's been dropping pounds like crazy.  At tip top shape he'll be tall, broad, and muscular.  Yeah.  No complaints.  Rawr.  The plan is for him to start lifting at the end of March, when his workplace ends their "Biggest Loser" first quarter challenge.  For now, he's losing the extra mass, and this is what it's looked like so far:

Pretty dramatic change.  This morning he told me he's lost about 40% of the weight he intends to lose.  I'm so proud of him.  I'm so glad to have him as a partner in this journey.  He's inspiring and sparks my inspiration when I'm feeling low, but also allows me a break when I need one.  And he's all mine.  Rawr.

We've been dating for about two and a half years now, and we're always pushing ourselves to be better people -- smarter, healthier, more successful, less in debt, more fun.  I fell in love with his brain on our first date when he used the word "amalgamation."  Swoon.  Got to love an intelligent man.  I fell in love with his heart when he swallowed his pride and told me he loved me a few dates later -- even though I'd known it and felt it for a while by then.  I just didn't want to tell him, due to my own pride.  I fell in love with the rest of him pretty quickly after that, and even though there's technically less of him to love, I find myself falling more in love with this man who's made the most excellent partner in the past two and a half years.

Help me cheer him on!

22 Pounds Later

On November 28th, 2012, I was devastated to weigh in at 243 lbs.  It was an all time high weight and an all time low feeling.  I'd just given up.  Every time I tried to change my ways it never stuck, then my brilliant boyfriend came up with a system and a spreadsheet to track and reward ourselves.  Ten weeks later, 22 pounds are gone forever.

Today, I weighed in at 221 lbs after ten weeks of sticking to the program.  That's an average of 2.2 pounds lost per week.  Our system works for us, and we've been able to stick with it.  Here's what that kind of change looks like:

From Pillsbury ain't got nothing on these rolls to hourglass.

The 11/28/12 photos were a bit more... naked than I care to share with a mixed audience.  Anyway!  Yeah!  Looking good, right?  At this rate, I'll be out of the 200s in 5-6 weeks.  By June I could be in the 180s.  I know there will be plateaus.  Hell, I already hit one:

My FitBit chart of weigh-ins.

But I'm determined to keep at it and adjust things when it stops working.  I'm so glad to making real, lasting change, and a lot of it has to do with the support I've been getting for this new self-work project.  Thank you to all reading this.  In some little way or maybe a major way, you've been helping me.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have 10,000 steps to get in.

What Worked For Me

We're all special snowflakes, right?  Well, that may more or less be true as far as weightloss goes.  I can't stand the additude of, "Eat less.  Move more.  It's not rocket science."  Well, for some people it is.  You're missing so many dimensions with that attitude -- mental health, ecology, GENES.  For a plan to work, it has to be tailored TO YOU.  Every time I tried to eat less and move more, I failed in two weeks, maybe less.  Why?  What makes it different this time?  I mean, this time I've lost 20 lbs, and I've been at it for about 10 weeks.  What was different this time?

1.) Support!  This was key for me.  Having a partner in the process was essential, but I needed this partner to literally share meals with me, work out alongside me, sleep next to me, like a constant reminder that we were in it together.  When one was running on low, the other was pumped up.  It's really helped me this time around.  I truly feel sorry for anyone trying to diet without the support of their partner.  I just couldn't do it.  I tried.  I failed.

2.) Prep ALL the meals!  Research shows that the pre-packaged, sent-to-your-door meals can work very well for some people trying to lose weight.  Takes the guess work out.  Well, I kind of did that for myself.  My boyfriend and I would cook all of our lunches for the week on Sunday, then dish it out for the rest of the week, truly controlling our caloric intake without much fussing and moaning.  Now, I know what you're thinking...

Calm down, Sweet Brown.  It's really a cinch once you get the hang of it.  Even on busy weekends, we found ways to make it work.  If we had to freeze something to make sure it would keep, no biggie.  I'm convinced this has been essential to our success.

3.) Eliminate the excess!  And I'm not talking just the food.  I'm talking everything.  I found I was wasting my time on pointless tasks (browsing the internet, mainly) that took away from EVERYTHING: workout time, meal prep time, clean-up time, boyfriend time.  I feel much less pressured and much more free than ever before.

4.) Take a break!  In a couple of different ways.  First of all, we were "off" for the weekend.  It was always nice to know there could be a day I could indulge, but sometimes we would negotiate a mid-week indulgence for a birthday or company function.  Being strict and unforgiving just never worked for me.  Sometimes I needed to take a break from daily weigh-ins (no, I don't want to hear you tell me daily weigh-ins are bad for me -- go away).  Sometimes I needed to give myself a break when the scale moved in the wrong direction.  Unlike the other times I tried to lose weight, though, all of the above helped me to get back in the saddle once my break was done.

5.) Hydrate -- I think.  In the last week, I've been drinking Sassy water.  Just google it.  Whether or not the ingredients actually help anything, it's nice to focus on my hydration in a new way.  The taste is something to get used to, but not horrible, and I've been feeling great this week despite being on my cycle.  More on this later as I see more consistent effects.

Anyway, this is what's been working for ME.  There has been a whole lot of trial-and-error leading up to this, but I think I've finally got it down.  Maybe I'll post my first before-and-after pictures.  Maybe.