I think I started noticing this when I went to Korea. You see, from my experience, Korean folks don't really have a "polite" filter as us Americans understand it -- at least when it comes to appearance. "She's so pretty with her pale skin and big eyes," said my family when I went over for a visit in 2004, "but she needs to lose weight." Rude, right? Well, not to them. It would be cruel to be dishonest about it. Ever since then, I feel like when people tell me, "You're pretty!" there's also a politely silent "but..." Maybe I'm being paranoid. But I don't want to be pretty BUT. I mean, I'm not so hung up on being pretty, but being pretty BUT is just... painful. Surely I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Got my steps. Got my workout. Stayed within my eating plan. We earned nine dollars a day for five days, meaning we now have $45 in our fun budget. Maybe I'll elaborate on the exact plan tomorrow, since we take the weekend off.
Food Log:
Breakfast - Three eggs over hard with a 1/2 tablespoon of butter and 1 1/2 cups of milk = 457 Cal
Lunch - Progresso Light Potato Soup with Bacon and Cheese and a banana= 305 Cal
Dinner - Wendy's Ultimate Chicken Grill Sandwich = 390 Cal
Snacks - Little Ceaser's cheesy bread stick and Dunkin Donuts Mint Hot Chocolate = 350 Cal
Total: 1,502 Cal 174 Carb 57 Fat 78 Protein 3,265 Salt 57 Sugar
Over on sugar because of the mint hot chocolate (worth it! - I got so much paperwork done after that), and over on sodium because apparently Progresso Light soups ain't light on the salt. Damn.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Fluxuation
So, five pounds in two days is a bit extreme. I'm actually relieved that the number on the scale went up by a pound and a half this morning. No regrets. I felt good last night making myself and my boyfriend a good dinner. Our plan is to let go of our plan a bit on the weekends, though not to go buck wild, so the moment of truth will be Monday when I weigh in. I'm guessing that overall, I'll have lost 3 lbs and an inch or two.
Did some bench lifting in the morning, and attended another Zumba class though I gave it less effort than last time because HOLY GOD I CAN NOT BOUNCE ON MY TIPPY TOES FOR AN HOUR STRAIGHT. I still think it's a fun way to get all of my steps in, though, which I was successful in doing for the fourth day in a row.
I also attended my first Overeaters Anonymous meeting because what makes this time different than the hundreds of other times I tried to get my eating under control only to fail less than a month later? I think the secret is support, be it twelve-step, friends, or fellow life-changers. I cried. I'm a cryer. But I cried because I finally put the pieces together: the reason that I'm terrified of dying because of my disordered eating is because it's what killed my ahjashi. It's a Korean term -- basically, this man was like a father to me. His disordered eating led to heart problems, then multiple surgeries, and then he never woke up from a surgery. It didn't have to happen that way. He could have still had more time with his grand kids. It doesn't have to be that way for me. I could watch my theoretical grandkids grow up.
Food log!:
Breakfast - Three eggs with a half a tablespoon of butter and a cup of skim milk = 374 Cal
Lunch - Wendy's Ultimate Chicken Grill = Yum! = 390 Cal
Dinner - Spicy chicken pasta leftovers = 611 Cal
Snacks - A banana and an apple = 160 Cal
Total: 1,535 Cal 180 Carbs 44 Fat 94 Protein 1,595 Salt 51 Sugar
And not over on a single stat! WOO!
Did some bench lifting in the morning, and attended another Zumba class though I gave it less effort than last time because HOLY GOD I CAN NOT BOUNCE ON MY TIPPY TOES FOR AN HOUR STRAIGHT. I still think it's a fun way to get all of my steps in, though, which I was successful in doing for the fourth day in a row.
I also attended my first Overeaters Anonymous meeting because what makes this time different than the hundreds of other times I tried to get my eating under control only to fail less than a month later? I think the secret is support, be it twelve-step, friends, or fellow life-changers. I cried. I'm a cryer. But I cried because I finally put the pieces together: the reason that I'm terrified of dying because of my disordered eating is because it's what killed my ahjashi. It's a Korean term -- basically, this man was like a father to me. His disordered eating led to heart problems, then multiple surgeries, and then he never woke up from a surgery. It didn't have to happen that way. He could have still had more time with his grand kids. It doesn't have to be that way for me. I could watch my theoretical grandkids grow up.
Food log!:
Breakfast - Three eggs with a half a tablespoon of butter and a cup of skim milk = 374 Cal
Lunch - Wendy's Ultimate Chicken Grill = Yum! = 390 Cal
Dinner - Spicy chicken pasta leftovers = 611 Cal
Snacks - A banana and an apple = 160 Cal
Total: 1,535 Cal 180 Carbs 44 Fat 94 Protein 1,595 Salt 51 Sugar
And not over on a single stat! WOO!
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Goodbye Holiday Weight!
So, I said goodbye to probably the last chunk of my holiday weight this morning when the scale read 237.5. Woot! Now... I'm back to square one. At least I'm not behind the eight ball any more. Insert another catchy saying.
Despite feeling pretty sore where my thigh joins my hips (probaby from all of the squat moves in the Zumba class I took), I tried running this morning, and let me tell you, 6.0 is NOT my speed on the treadmill. I'mma cruise on my 5.0 for now, thank you very much. I could only sustain 6.0 for about 2 minutes max. Yeah, gonna have to train up to that. Starting up C25K again. Maybe this time I'll actually complete it.
Anyway, the day was very busy and had me running around everywhere so between my morning run and my job, I racked up 10,000 steps before I got home, and then I got the bug to clean, so I got up over 12,000. Woot! I also didn't have a lot of down time to snack, so that left plenty of room for a REAL dinner.
FOOD LOG!:
Breakfast: Three eggs with a half a tablespoon of butter and 1 cup of skim milk = 374 Cal
Lunch: Tuna with mayo, also an apple = 250 Cal
Dinner: My famous spicy chicken pasta, a glass of apple juice = 776 Cal
Snacks: Two string cheese = 140 Cal
Total: 1,540 Cal 170 Carb 53 Fat 97 Protein 1,637 Salt 69 Sugar
And according to MyFitnessPall, I was only over on sugar today! Not bad! Aaahhh!
I'm kind of excited to step on the scale tomorrow, but I'm also aware that I had a heavy dinner and so that might not work in my favor. We shall see!
Despite feeling pretty sore where my thigh joins my hips (probaby from all of the squat moves in the Zumba class I took), I tried running this morning, and let me tell you, 6.0 is NOT my speed on the treadmill. I'mma cruise on my 5.0 for now, thank you very much. I could only sustain 6.0 for about 2 minutes max. Yeah, gonna have to train up to that. Starting up C25K again. Maybe this time I'll actually complete it.
Anyway, the day was very busy and had me running around everywhere so between my morning run and my job, I racked up 10,000 steps before I got home, and then I got the bug to clean, so I got up over 12,000. Woot! I also didn't have a lot of down time to snack, so that left plenty of room for a REAL dinner.
FOOD LOG!:
Breakfast: Three eggs with a half a tablespoon of butter and 1 cup of skim milk = 374 Cal
Lunch: Tuna with mayo, also an apple = 250 Cal
Dinner: My famous spicy chicken pasta, a glass of apple juice = 776 Cal
Snacks: Two string cheese = 140 Cal
Total: 1,540 Cal 170 Carb 53 Fat 97 Protein 1,637 Salt 69 Sugar
And according to MyFitnessPall, I was only over on sugar today! Not bad! Aaahhh!
I'm kind of excited to step on the scale tomorrow, but I'm also aware that I had a heavy dinner and so that might not work in my favor. We shall see!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Day Two
I woke up more motivated than ever. When I hopped up on the scale just to check my progress, it read 239.5. Well, that's a relief. 1.) I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, and 2.) Most of the weight that came on suddenly is, in fact, holiday weight that will leave quickly. When I get through the first ten pounds or so, that's when the real work will begin.
Kicked off the day by doing bench lifting exercises in the 5x5 program. Today was squats, bench press, and pendlay rows. I definitely feel it with an extra 45-65 pounds clutched to my chest. It was a good workout, though.
Speaking of good workout, I also took my first Zumba class today. HO LAWDY was that lady not messing around. She refused to stop for the whole hour. I could barely get a mouthful of water in between songs. I think I'll go back. It was fun, the hour went by quickly, and it helped me get all of my steps for the day.
Now, for the food report. I did have two extra string cheese last night because -- and this is hard for me to come to terms to -- it doesn't matter to me that I'm full. I eat because I can, probably to address uncomfortable feelings. To that end, I plan to attend an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and look into Weight Watchers. I will also budget in an individual therapist soon. Anyway, food report:
Breakfast - Three eggs with a half a tablespoon of butter and 1 1/2 cups of skim milk = 416 Cal
Lunch - Tuna with light mayo, a banana, and an apple = 355 Cal
Dinner - Wendy's Spicy Chicken 1/2 Salad, no Dressing = 440 Cal
Snacks - 2 String Cheese, a handful of almonds = 310 Cal
Total: 1,521 Cal 112 Carb 80 Fat 95 Protein 2,332 Salt 48 Sugar
I didn't feel deprived at any point during the day. In fact, I almost forgot I still had an apple to snack on on the way back home. I'm not saying that I wouldn't love to snack on something salty right now, but it's not because I'm hungry.
Another day well done. Wouldn't be surprised if I hopped on the scale tomorrow and I lose another 1.5 lbs, because I'm pretty sure that's what I packed on because of my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, which disguises my disordered eating in the tradition of eating until you're about to burst.
I feel a headache coming on for some reason... bleh. Time to curl up and wish it away.
Kicked off the day by doing bench lifting exercises in the 5x5 program. Today was squats, bench press, and pendlay rows. I definitely feel it with an extra 45-65 pounds clutched to my chest. It was a good workout, though.
Speaking of good workout, I also took my first Zumba class today. HO LAWDY was that lady not messing around. She refused to stop for the whole hour. I could barely get a mouthful of water in between songs. I think I'll go back. It was fun, the hour went by quickly, and it helped me get all of my steps for the day.
Now, for the food report. I did have two extra string cheese last night because -- and this is hard for me to come to terms to -- it doesn't matter to me that I'm full. I eat because I can, probably to address uncomfortable feelings. To that end, I plan to attend an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and look into Weight Watchers. I will also budget in an individual therapist soon. Anyway, food report:
Breakfast - Three eggs with a half a tablespoon of butter and 1 1/2 cups of skim milk = 416 Cal
Lunch - Tuna with light mayo, a banana, and an apple = 355 Cal
Dinner - Wendy's Spicy Chicken 1/2 Salad, no Dressing = 440 Cal
Snacks - 2 String Cheese, a handful of almonds = 310 Cal
Total: 1,521 Cal 112 Carb 80 Fat 95 Protein 2,332 Salt 48 Sugar
I didn't feel deprived at any point during the day. In fact, I almost forgot I still had an apple to snack on on the way back home. I'm not saying that I wouldn't love to snack on something salty right now, but it's not because I'm hungry.
Another day well done. Wouldn't be surprised if I hopped on the scale tomorrow and I lose another 1.5 lbs, because I'm pretty sure that's what I packed on because of my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, which disguises my disordered eating in the tradition of eating until you're about to burst.
I feel a headache coming on for some reason... bleh. Time to curl up and wish it away.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Tracking
So, end of day one of my new journey, my new life. You can see what food I tracked at MyFitnessPal. My username is NoMereButterfly. Just in case that doesn't work, though, here's the skinny:
Breakfast - Two eggs with a half a tablespoon of butter and two cups of apple juice (because we only had enough milk for one, and I gave it to my boyfriend) = 431 Cal
Lunch - Garden Salad with Tuna, no dressing = 535 Cal
Dinner - Salad from the gas station, two bananas, and a cheese stick = 560 Cal
Day's totals: 1526 Cal, 174 Carb, 43 Fat, 34 Protein, 1293 Salt, 90 Sugar
Not perfect, but the grocery shopping can't happen until both my boyfriend and I get paid on Friday. I think this isn't bad for just winging it today. Again, I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR TIPS AND TRICKS AND HAVE NO ROOM FOR YOUR CRITICISM OR JUDGEMENT.
For weighing in and measuring myself today, we earned $1, and then I earned another for abstaining from soda. I also earned an additional $1 for doing 10,000 steps, and one more for tracking my food (although that's contingent on my boyfriend doing the same). Because I ate out, I didn't earn that dollar, and I didn't "work out" for thirty minutes today, causing me to lose out on that $5. Day's total = $4. My boyfriend can probably earn us 8, all told. I'll get more in detail about the actual plan later. Right now, I think I've earned some internet show catch-up time.
Breakfast - Two eggs with a half a tablespoon of butter and two cups of apple juice (because we only had enough milk for one, and I gave it to my boyfriend) = 431 Cal
Lunch - Garden Salad with Tuna, no dressing = 535 Cal
Dinner - Salad from the gas station, two bananas, and a cheese stick = 560 Cal
Day's totals: 1526 Cal, 174 Carb, 43 Fat, 34 Protein, 1293 Salt, 90 Sugar
Not perfect, but the grocery shopping can't happen until both my boyfriend and I get paid on Friday. I think this isn't bad for just winging it today. Again, I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR TIPS AND TRICKS AND HAVE NO ROOM FOR YOUR CRITICISM OR JUDGEMENT.
For weighing in and measuring myself today, we earned $1, and then I earned another for abstaining from soda. I also earned an additional $1 for doing 10,000 steps, and one more for tracking my food (although that's contingent on my boyfriend doing the same). Because I ate out, I didn't earn that dollar, and I didn't "work out" for thirty minutes today, causing me to lose out on that $5. Day's total = $4. My boyfriend can probably earn us 8, all told. I'll get more in detail about the actual plan later. Right now, I think I've earned some internet show catch-up time.
Day One
So, I'm really putting it out there. I'm at an all-time low health and weight-wise. My boyfriend's aunt let us borrow a high-end scale of hers and I jumped on it this morning after five days of holiday gorging and the number read... 243. I get a lump in my throat every time I think about that number. That's bad. That's just unacceptable. At best, I'm 5' 7 1/2''. The scale estimated that I'm at 50% body fat. I don't even... UGH. So, here it is, all out in the open. I have GOT to stop playing around with this or I'm going to end up dead sooner rather than later and with a whole slew of health problems leading up to that. THIS IS NOT OKAY.
So, my boyfriend and I have come up with a reward system, allowing us to earn roughly $10/day in "fun budget" to be cashed out at various weight goals. There are some bonuses involved, and an ultimate payoff. I don't want to get into specifics right this second. While I'm on the topic of things I don't want, let me make this clear:
I DO NOT WANT YOUR TIPS AND ADVICE!
Now, that sounds harsh, but trust me, I've heard it all before. I know it's simple. I know it's intuitive. I know that I should have more of this and less of this and less stuff overall. Avoid processed junk, stay whole and natural, don't eat white stuff, blah blah blah. I KNOW. I swear to god, if I see one comment to the effect of, "Well, ACTUALLY, you could try... it would work if... what I did was... I think you're doing it all wrong..." it gets deleted. Period. Done. This is MY journey. This is personal. It starts today. I could use some support, though. I could use A LOT of support, actually. Here it goes.
So, my boyfriend and I have come up with a reward system, allowing us to earn roughly $10/day in "fun budget" to be cashed out at various weight goals. There are some bonuses involved, and an ultimate payoff. I don't want to get into specifics right this second. While I'm on the topic of things I don't want, let me make this clear:
I DO NOT WANT YOUR TIPS AND ADVICE!
Now, that sounds harsh, but trust me, I've heard it all before. I know it's simple. I know it's intuitive. I know that I should have more of this and less of this and less stuff overall. Avoid processed junk, stay whole and natural, don't eat white stuff, blah blah blah. I KNOW. I swear to god, if I see one comment to the effect of, "Well, ACTUALLY, you could try... it would work if... what I did was... I think you're doing it all wrong..." it gets deleted. Period. Done. This is MY journey. This is personal. It starts today. I could use some support, though. I could use A LOT of support, actually. Here it goes.
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