Loss

It's been a while since I blogged, probably because every time I think about writing this entry, I feel like crying... and then I go play video games instead.  Paper Mario understands my problems like no other.

Sometimes, violence IS the answer... especially if you have an absurdly sized hammer.

Anyway, to get personal for a moment, my grandmother had been struggling with cancer in her lymph nodes for some time now.  The lymph nodes are where you DON'T want cancer to spread.  It STARTED there.  According to our family in Korea, she was in some pain and couldn't eat.  My mom said something about her not making it to the end of the year, and... well, she didn't.  She passed away in her sleep on the 29th, never fully understanding what was happening to her.  She was a tough cookie, and thought she'd be going back to work soon.  That's right, my tiny 80-year-old arthritic grandmother was still doing farm work.  Tough gal.

I was doing pretty okay with the loss.  I'd only met my grandmother once that I can remember, but it was tough to see my mom go through her grief.  She's just as tough if not tougher than her mother, and so it's always hard to see her vulnerable and hurting.  I used this tough time as an excuse to drop out of everything, including eating well and exercising.  I know the sympathetic among you will say, "It's not an excuse.  You lost someone.  Give yourself a break."  Yeah, maybe, but there's always an excuse.

On the bright side, I didn't really gain any weight (unless you count the half a pound since the last official weigh-in, though I had put that on during a mid-week weigh-in).  I'm back on track now: 229.5.  I still have urges and cravings running rampant over my eating plan, but I'm still trying.  I'm hoping for three pounds this week, and I'm willing to really work hard to get it.  I come from a line of tough old ladies.  It would be a shame to break the trend now.

Noh Boon-Ok