Month 6 Results & a Confession

Let's get this out of the way.  Pictures - left is April 1st, right is July 1st:

 

 

 

Also, numbers.

Starting Weight 6/1/14: 219.1 lbs.
End Weight 7/1/14: 220.7 lbs.
Difference: +1.6 lbs.

I ate badly. I'm menstruating. Yadda yadda.  More importantly:

Starting Weight 1/1/14: 236 lbs.
End Weight 7/1/14: 220.7 lbs.
Difference: -15.3 lbs.

And now the confession.  Well, here's the pre-confession.  I haven't been eating all that well.  I like food.  I enjoy being lazy.  I love my body.

... and I don't think I really want to lose weight.

So, there it is.  It hit me the other day as I was walking to and from work as I've been doing ever since the weather got nice and I realized that I felt good.  I felt healthy.  I've been getting so frustrated over the scale, and you know what?  I don't think I actually care that I haven't been losing weight.  I think I tried to care because I felt I was accountable for results while writing this blog and you know what?  Fuck that.  No, seriously.  Who cares if I'm not skinny?  Who cares if people would shame my body if I dared to hit the beach in a bikini?  Answer: not me.

You know what?  I ran 2 miles this morning.  Outside.  I feel healthy.  I feel capable.  I feel good.  I need to stop thinking of all of this in terms of an end goal and think of it as a great process.  I mean, I've been consistently working out for six months.  I've lost 15 pounds in that time and increased my fitness in ways that can't entirely be measured.  In short: I'm amazing.

Yeah, maybe it would be nice to slim down for the wedding.  Sure, perhaps I'd feel more comfortable rockin' that teeny bikini with less of a gut, but you know what?  I'm enjoying my life.  I'm enjoying my health.  My fiancé loves my body.  Plenty of other people find me attractive just the way I am.  I'm just not interested in killing myself trying to achieve a weight my body and lifestyle just can't accomodate right now.

I'm going to just keep doing what I'm doing, and keep feeling good while I'm at it.  If I happen to lose weight in the process, great.  If I don't, I'm still feeling good and doing some good things.  I'll put that in the "win" column.