And Now For Something Completely Different!

I've tried. Look back and read and see that I've tried. I've tried getting advice, not getting advice, and blogging. I've tried calorie counting and exercise and taking pictures of my progress. I've tried over-the-counter pills and daily weigh-ins and monthly weigh-ins. I've tried 12-step meetings, Facebook, and reading everything I could on the matter. I've tried. It hasn't worked. I'm not saying I've been faithful to any of my programs. In fact, that is a symptom of the problem I will be discussing in this entry.

My appetite is out of control and has been for some time. It doesn't matter how hungry or full I actually am, I'll just keep eating. I wouldn't say I'm addicted to food. I certainly have some symptoms that point in that direction, but addiction to food is as controversial as addiction to sex. How can you be addicted to something that's a biological imperative? You can, certainly, but I don't think my relationship with food as ruined my life - yet. Real talk? I'm afraid, terrified actually, of developing diabetes and heart disease. I've been in the 230 lbs range for a while. I'm young and, remarkably, healthy. I've had recent blood and urine tests that say as much, but how long can that really last if I keep going this way? I don't want to have to inject insulin into myself. I don't want to develop neuropathy in my hands and feet and eventually risk amputation. I don't want to keel over from a heart attack before my time. I don't want to die at all, but certainly not before my time. This is a problem. It needs a solution. What I've been doing isn't working. It's time for something new.

Enter Contrave. I've been considering this for a while, but yesterday I finally went to see my doctor and had the talk. I told her all of the above and some of my thoughts. She prescribed Contrave (combined, extended-release bupropion - also known as Wellbutrin - and naloxone). If you know anything about brain science (I myself am a brain science groupie/nerd) then you know why this combination of drugs makes sense. I poured over all of the literature and studies material they gave me with the prescription last night. The side-effects are mild, but still scary. The primary side-effect they warn about is nausea, but they also warn about blood pressure issues and suicidal ideation. Since I have no history of either of those last two things, I decided this was an appropriate decision.

What's great about Contrave is that they pair the prescription with a (voluntary) behavior modification program called "ScaleDown." The ScaleDown program sends you a wireless scale free of charge that encourages you to weigh in daily and then sends this information to the program, which them sends you daily text messages with support and advice based on your weigh-in. No calorie counting. No judgement. Just support. This is not just about taking a pill to fix all of my problems. This is about changing my behaviors in the meantime so, less than 6 months from now when they take me off of Contrave, hopefully those habits will endure and I'll keep the weight off.

I stopped drinking after March 8th for various reasons, but Contrave gives me another reason not to drink. The seizure risk is greatly increased by massive alcohol consumption (I would say my drinking behavior trends toward "binging"). The literature also recommends taking the prescription with a low-fat meal. According to my research, that would be 3 grams or less fat per 100 grams of food, or 3 %. I'm just taking a morning dose now but eventually I also have to take it at night, so that means I really should have a low fat breakfast and dinner with some leeway for lunch. This morning I had egg whites with steamed broccoli. I actually find this delicious with a 1/2 tablespoon of butter and some spices.

I'm scared. I took my first dose this morning and I already went through a nausea episode. Also, I'm feeling anxious, which is side-effect. I'm pretty sure both of these symptoms will decrease over time and because I'm experienced and educated, I know what to do to deal with both of these symptoms. For now, I could use some support. No judgement, just support. I don't want obesity-related illness. I don't expect everyone to believe me, but this really isn't about being skinny. I like my body most days. I truly am really afraid of obesity-related illness and I really want to be healthy. Please give me encouragement and wish me luck on this journey. I appreciate it.