Ugly Depression

Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like there is this kind of "Cute Depression" concept out there. Like, the "depressed gf" memes. Here are some examples:

This... kind of pisses me off? Like, this isn't cute. Or really accurate. Like, maybe if you mean depressed as the mood state but not the disorder and people conflate the two. Anyway, all of this is to say I so don't have "cute" depression.

My depression is ugly. It is a saw-toothed monster dripping in a mixture of phlegm and disease. It is a haunting presence draped over my shoulders, weighing me down like lead. It is noxious air poisoning my lungs with my every waking breath. It is a shrill voice both whispering and screaming in my ear to kill myself. It is hideous.

In the grips of depression I will isolate and denigrate myself out loud. I will stop showering, brushing my hair, drinking anything remotely hydrating, or eating anything nourishing. I will smile and not feel it any deeper than surface level. I will fantasize about the sweet embrace of death taking my pain away. I will convince myself that the ones I love will be better off without me.

It's.

NOT.

Cute.

This needed to leave my body. I'm okay. Better than, actually. Productive. Peaceful. But I have depression, and it's ugly.