Life with Soylent: Week 1

So, the first week came and went and it was actually pretty good for generally being the worst week of the month for me. I found that after I got over my toxin release headache that I had a lot of energy because my body wasn't wasting energy breaking down bad food.

On day two I came home and ate half of a bag of chips and some cheese sticks. The salt cravings were strong. On day three I ate more cheese sticks and tossed out the remaining food in the house. On Saturday we had pizza, snacks, and drinks and on Sunday we got a couple of subs. We decided we're okay with this. Soylent works well to fill the gaps between the treats.

And now I have a puppy. The thing cried all night Saturday and Sunday because we're crate training him. It's hard to have cravings when you're struggling with keeping your eyes open and looking engaged for your clients. I need coffee.

Oh, and I'm down weight. No big surprise. I'll check in next week.

Soylent: Day 1

So the Soylent delivery arrived on Friday and I got so excited that I immediately ripped into the boxes and took some crappy pictures:

 

 

And, of course, I posted this to Facebook.  This was immediately followed by a link-response which I imagine was designed to discourage my excitement.  Whatever.  Still excited.  I was in the middle of packing for the weekend away, so I left everything and resolved to get excited again upon my return on Sunday.

Alex was, of course, being positive and responsible.  He helped unpack and stock everything while I blended and stored Day 1's half-gallon "meals." We did a taste test and it was a bit chalky but otherwise just as Alex described from his research: just as non-offensive as possible.  We then went to the local hibachi restaurant for a decadent solid food send-off that included a drink called "The Scorpion" for the fiancé. I have never seen the man turn so red so quickly. It was delightful.

Breakfast this morning was an interesting experience. Ordinarily I'd wake up and head straight for the kitchen to cook us up some solid omelets, but instead at 7:20 AM I just poured out 16 ounces of Soylent and sat around, not knowing what to do with myself.  With the overnight settling, the Soylent had become less chalky and I could appreciate the very slight vanilla flavor of it.

Eventually I decided to spend a luxurious amount of time straightening my hair and applying my makeup while Alex talked about plans to enroll in the local gym with a trainer and everything so we can continue to be serious about our health. I like this plan. I like that I had time to be as pretty as I wanted.

At approximately 9:00 AM, upon getting to work, I poured myself 8 ounces and slugged that down while meeting with my first client. I texted Alex between this client and the next one because he asked me how I was doing so I told him: not full but also not hungry. It was a little weird.

Lunch came and I was positive and happy, but I'm told I tend to come off that way anyway. I merrily recounted my fabulous weekend with a co-worker over 16 ounces.

It was around 3:00 PM before I decided I should probably re-up with another 8 ounces. At this point Alex is texting me saying his day has been busy and he has a lot of Soylent left. I do not. I have probably another good 16 ounces left for dinner.  I'm not hungry. I'm not tempted by solid foods. I'm good.

6:00 PM I consumed my last 19 ounces after coming home from work and being faced with a couple of half-full bags of chips. Still not tempted. Not bad for day 1.

A New Experiment

So, I didn't update the blog at the beginning of the month. Honestly, there wasn't much to say. I more or less did not lose or gain weight. My weight was the same from September 1st to October 1st.  That was neither surprising nor disappointing. It was also not worth blogging about. Honestly, I've been holding out for this. I think this deserves blogging about.

 

So, many months ago Alex came across this product that was going wild on KickStarter and it had a quirky name: Soylent. He did a lot of scouring the internet before approaching me with a wild idea: what if we try this popular meal replacement option?  First of all, watch the video to get the gist of what this is:

 

Got it?  Okay.  I know it sounds weird. I know it probably sounds unhealthy to you.  Oh, let me just get this out of the way: I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR CRITICISM OR FEEDBACK ABOUT HOW CRAZY/UNHEALTHY/IRRESPONSIBLE MY DECISIONS ARE, THANK YOU! Now that we got that out of the way, when Alex pitched this to me what really got me interested was the idea that we've valued a lot as a couple: our time is precious. I spend a significant amount of time buying, preparing, making, packaging, and consuming food. Don't get me wrong, I like food. One could argue I like food too much and therein lies the problem.

For the last couple of months and more importantly for my entire life I have struggled with overeating and compulsive eating. The natural consequence is that I've gained weight, which is fine. I have learned to love my body. What's not fine is that the detriments to my health will catch up to me eventually. I've tried. I've tried many ways to control my eating, count my calories, pre-package my foods, and none of it has worked for very long.

Why not try this? Why not give it a shot? So, this is the experiment: I'm going to try a diet consisting almost entirely of Soylent for the next month. Maybe I'll lose weight. I mean, probably I'll lose weight because I definitely eat over my allotted daily caloric intake regularly. The point is, however, I'll probably gain more: control over my eating, more complete nutrition, and time. Oh, so much time. Especially in the morning.

I got the shipping confirmation this morning. Next week starts the experiment!

Month 8 Results: Surprising Changes

Well.  I genuinely don't know what to make of this month.

 

Starting weight 8/1/2014: 218.7 lbs.

End weight 9/1/2014: 222.6 lbs.

Change: +3.9 lbs.

 

I, uh... I genuinely don't understand.  I started running 4 times per week instead of 3.  I did go on vacation and I'm sure we're all familiar with what vacations do for eating right.  I feel healthier, I think I look slimmer, and the scale is massively confused.  As of this morning I'm back up to 224 lbs.

 

So I guess the conclusion I've come to is that the scale is a nice metric for telling me if I'm way off for keeping myself responsible, but it is not the end-all-be-all for my journey.  I feel good.  I know my legs feel stronger and more muscular according to my loving fiancé.

 

Anyway, on to photo documentation.  The left is from July 1st, the right is from September 1st.

 

 

Can you see where I gained 4 pounds?  Because I can't.

Licensed!: An Open Letter

To the Universe:

I am so grateful to have received recognition of my achievements in the form of official licensure by the state of New York as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT).

BAM!

So this is an open letter to just about everyone.

 

First of all, I want to thank my mother.  She has always pushed me to achieve, even before I was in school.  She worked so hard to make sure I had every opportunity she could afford and then some.  Although she hasn't always agreed with my decisions or understood my path, I know she's always been supportive in her own way and she couldn't be more proud of me.

 

Second of all, I would like to thank the rest of the people I call my family, both alive and passed, all around the world.  You've inspired me to pursue a career understanding how one's family influences one's path, and you've all certainly influenced mine and have allowed me to grow in the ways I had to in order to become the happy, successful person I am today.

 

I want to thank my fiancé for always supporting me and helping me get through the craziness that was graduate school.  You've held me up when I was falling and you loved me when I struggled to love myself.  It's always been your goal to help me achieve mine, and I can't thank you enough for continuing to be wonderful and someone I would be proud to call my husband.

 

My friends also deserve a shout-out.  In big ways and small, you have all encouraged me to keep doing what I'm doing.  I've watched so many people grow and be influenced by the world around them and it keeps me going.  It keeps me engaged.  From the smallest compliment to a listening ear for my barrage of verbal craziness, you've all contributed to what is to this date the pinnacle of my professional achievements.

 

To my co-workers and classmates: you too deserve a thank you.  From standing arm-in-arm with me through the same struggles to supporting me during hard times and making sure I was safe, you've all contributed to my success.  Specifically for my classmates in graduate school, you helped me figure out how to have mature adult friendships and grow more in two years than I ever imaged I could.  As graduate school came through and excavated the backyard of the perfectly buried baggage of my life, you were all there, mourning, learning, celebrating, laughing, and growing with me.  Thank you for that.

 

Of course, my teachers, supervisors, and employers also deserve a shout-out.  I want to thank every teacher I've ever had.  When I look back on my life, I can pick out specific teachers and specific times when these special adults filled needs in my life that went above and beyond their duties.  Teachers inspired me to learn and grow even beyond the classroom.  Teachers helped me feel safe to explore the world around me.  Some of those teachers saved my life when life seemed really hard.  I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me.  My supervisors all seemed to take on the partial role of therapist, especially in my early career, and I am grateful for their hard work.  My employers gave me so many great chances to grow and expand my experiences and for that I thank you as well.

 

Finally, I want to thank all of my clients.  Perhaps you'll never read this, but I hope that you all know that you make me want to come to work every day.  You help me learn new things all of the time.  You bring me new challenges and I feel energized just helping you to meet those challenges yourself.  I have a hard time reflecting on my clients and not loving at least one thing about them.  I'm always able to identify the ways in which I've learned from each of them.  You make me a better therapist every day and it's because of you that I can see myself doing this job for a long time.

 

As for all of the rest of you, I know you have some influence here.  Take a thank you for yourself.  Maybe I could have done it without you.  Maybe I could have done it without anyone, but I think I vastly prefer the way it all happened - the good, the bad, the ugly, the joy, the pain, and the growth.

 

Thank you,

 

Amanda Marie Taylor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)

"You've Lost Weight!"

I went home for an extended weekend in order to observe my little brother's 24th birthday, and it was really great.  I had a really good time all weekend.  I was treated to a lot of fun and a lot of great experiences and insights throughout the weekend.

By far my favorite of these was the first words out of my mother's mouth as she greeted me at the door of her beautiful new home.  "You look like you've lost weight!" she said happily in her thick, Korean accent before giving me a hug.

I was thrown.  All I can remember about my mom's messages about me and my weight are negative, or at the very least back-handed compliments and mixed messages.  I can remember her telling me I was fat when I was 8 years old.  I can remember her telling me I need to stop eating so much while piling on the servings on my plate and then getting furious at me for daring to suggest that she ever forced me to eat when I didn't want to (she did at least once).  I remember when we visited Korea in 2004 and I had lost 10 pounds without even trying between actually good and wholesome meals and being very active the whole month in a foreign country.  My mom said, "That's good, but you have to keep it up."  I felt dejected.  I've always felt hopeless about my weight.  I felt like I've tried so many times before and I've failed, then this weekend she acknowledged my work without a side remark.  She saw me and she saw my work and she gave me praise.  I can't tell you how much that means to me.

I've been afraid to "check up" on my weight during the month because I'm always fearful of being discouraged in my journey.  What if I find that my indulgences pack on the weight despite the positive habits I've also incorporated?  Will I feel hopeless again?  Will I give up?  I want to step on that scale.  I want to know, but I'm afraid.

I keep telling myself, "This isn't about weight, remember?  This is about health!  You're healthier!  Who cares about weight?"  Maybe it's my hormones for this time of the month.  Maybe it's a lifetime of indoctrination to be obsessed about my weight.

My worth is not measured in pounds.  My worth is measured by the positivity I attract.

I just need to keep telling myself that.

Momma and me as a kidlet.

I (Finally) Raced a 5k!

I've tried the Couch-to-5k program about two or three times before.  I believe I reached weeks 6-7 out of nine every time.  I should also mention that I was always doing this on a treadmill, which now I realize is probably the worst way I could have done this, but I hadn't read anything to discourage me from trying it this way.  Needless to say, when Alex suggested that we give RunKeeper's Beginner 5k training a try, I wasn't brimming with confidence.  My previous failures seemed to add up to the reality that running for that long just wasn't something my body was capable of.

Through this process I've learned to stop putting mental limits on my body, because they are largely mental.  With enough time and patience, I've learned that I can accomplish most anything I try.  If I've fallen short in anything in my previous attempts, it would probably be having the patience to give whatever I'm doing enough time to develop.

So, I raced a 5k on Friday morning, the 8th.  The whole time I was running I was aware of how hard my body was working but also how strong I felt and how capable I felt that I could keep going and keep pushing myself.  I was hoping to time in under 35 minutes for the race.  Here's what I ended up with:

At a wedding over the weekend, Alex couldn't resist grabbing my booty and saying, "That's a 5k booty.  Imagine what a 10k booty will be like."  The 10k training starts tomorrow!