Am I Smarter Than You?: Reflections on My Privilege/Elitism

You know, it occurs to me that some people who read my inner thoughts such as I present them in blogs must have some opinions about me. Hm. Oh, well. I guess that's one way to weed out those in my social circle who aren't well-equipped to be in my life. It's not like I'm lacking there.

Anyway, this is a rough subject. I've been a bit amused that both the highly educated professionals I consult (my therapist and my husband's therapist) and some in my friend circle have put forth this idea about my interpersonal issues with my co-workers: "Well, are you smarter than they are?" When my husband's therapist asked this question this morning my reaction was, "I don't know. I really don't even think about that." But, I guess, is this not part of the problem? Is this not part of my privilege that blinds me at times?

There are other ways I have privilege, of course. I have a paler complexion - far from the threshold of melanin that seems to draw so much ire in this country. If anything, some people gather that I have Asian heritage, also known as the "model minority." If you don't know what that is, this explains it much better than I could in my little blog here. But in general, I could also pass as a nice, white lady. My husband has informed me that we are considered an upper middle class household for the Syracuse metropolitan area (which blows my mind). We have dual incomes, and then some. We can comfortably pay our bills, afford leisure activities and hobbies with the little bit extra we have kicking around, and when emergencies come up we're not in impossible financial situations. 

Most of all, for me, I am highly educated. I graduated fourth in my class in high school, and with some sort of high honors for both my bachelor's and master's degrees. I used to struggle with this idea that I was "smart." I remember once that I told a friend that I wasn't smart, I just figured out what teachers wanted from me and gave them exactly that to which my friend responded, "Yeah, that makes you smart."

I really think this comes from an incident that has resonated with me since the second grade. I pretty much always had good grades, but in the second grade my teacher saw fit to write on my report card, "Amanda is a bright girl, but sometimes she has a hard time understanding why people don't understand what she does." Now, that was true. I used to have a really hard time explaining how my thinking worked to get the right answers to my fellow students who struggled to follow. Now I think to some degree that problem has continued, but the frustration I feel at the lack of understanding seems systemic.

How can you be so glib about mental health? Don't you know the chemistry and biology behind these very real conditions? (Of course not, Amanda. You're a psychology geek. You care about this stuff. They don't. You might as well be asking the laymen how they don't have strong opinions about Professor McGonagall.)

How can you so willfully erase and degrade persons who occupy another end of the gender, sex, or sexuality spectrum than you? Don't you understand the history behind the way these things have shown up since damn near the beginning of recorded history, or how your precious religious text that condemns these things was constructed? (Of course not, Amanda. Not everyone grew up a Christian geek who sought education beyond the text of the Bible. Not everyone has the exposure to academia about human sexuality, history, or feminism.)

How can you not care about people who need help? (People are just trying to survive, Amanda. Advertising/media/propaganda shapes much of what people "know" about any given subject without access to the level of education you've been able to obtain. Some people are more preoccupied with, you know, putting food on the table or knowing where they'll be living in the near future. Not everyone has the luxury of critically thinking like you do.)

Well, am I smarter than you? I honestly don't think about that, and as much as that might be my privilege blinding me, I'm still not convinced it's something I need to be focused on. Instead, I think the more important question is why do I think the way that I do while they think the way they do? I think that still addresses the privilege issue. At the same time, I don't think it totally gives anyone a free pass to remain willfully ignorant.

So, I guess that's where I am.